as for....today...

sitting here, checking email, of course myspacin it, about to get off and get the day started with the most beautiful girl in the world....and I hit play to a song that one of my "friends" added to his page... i haven't heard a song in awhile that has affected my soul in this way... listening it, i can feel my mom, i can feel her arms around me, i can feel her chest rise and fall with everybreath, the way she'd stand and rock back and forth on her feet, i can see her smile and clap to the beat...*sigh* and though it makes me sad, profoundly sad, that i don't get to hug her and kiss her and wrap my arms around her...i am comforted by the fact that she is with him...and that she's still loving me and honoring me with her presence in little ways like this... i am reminded of a time when i would sit behind her and brush her hair, rub her shoulders and she'd act like i was the best hair brusher in the world! she would be sooo animated in her love and excitement that i was so special in that moment and felt secure in that.... i've tried really hard these last few weeks to just go on, to try not to feel what is just under the surface, just fighting it. and today, i'm crumbled, broken, cracked. my heart hurts and i miss you. and the confusion is setting in... so, i'll listen to it one more time, wash my face, cry in the shower and go on with my day...i AM blessed that i get to spend the day with the most beautiful girl in the world and give her all the love i have left... thank you for that... http://www.myspace.com/jonforeman #5

here we go...

well! I made it to my destination.... I guess it's been awhile since I've been on here...So much happening... and just haven't felt like i could put the pen to paper for the words dancing in my mind.....*sigh* and here i am... living the dream I wanted...and it feels good. Nothing is quite settled, I'm going to be going back and forth between 3 states in the next 3 months, I can't find a permanent job until January, I have no $, no local friends, nothing "permanent"...but, MY GOD, my soul feels calm and full and....HOME. *sigh* how odd. and I don't feel like I should be anywhere else, or like I need to be in a hurry, or like I need more... for the first time, in so so so long. thank you.