one day

will i have a day that you don't cross my mind? will i make it one day, just one day that i won't think of you and my heart aches and pleads to have you, and my soul questions what happened. why. why it had to be like this why i had to push why you had to go and why now.... you go on. go on without me and live and breathe ...not me you're breathing but you go on....without this ache. *sigh* how did it come to this? how did we go from making plans in our future.... to whispering instances of love and passion and hope to.... nothing. not even a thought. what happened.

today...

today was the hardest. i thought i was getting stronger. better. and maybe it's not even you. maybe i was just in love with the idea of you. that i thought maybe you could save me from myself? i wanted you. i wanted to become a part of you. and i believed you when you whispered the same. what a fool i must be. to long for those words to become... truth. reality. mine. and now... i'm too afraid to be anything else give anything more love again. i know somewhere...sometime... i will want to love again... i will want to give this heart away... but, right now i just want the ache to subside the pain when i think of you... to lessen... disappear i want to breathe without you creeping into my soul and taking me over... i want today... to be over.