emotion...

God it feels good to feel again. It seems like my heart has been numb, frozen, burnt for so long that even the ache of pain, or the swelling of happiness wasn't even able... But, yesterday, I awoke with a drizzle of emotions. I can't even tell you what it was I was feeling. It just felt so damn good to finally feel again! It's been so long since I was able to put into words what floats around this mind of mine. Sometimes, I would wonder if I was going crazy. Only because words have been my outlet for so long, my release, my friend. And, it's been months. Months since my fingers have been able to press each button so lightly and my heart pours out as I type. Sometimes breathing is just easier. Getting through to the next moment is all I can do. How long can I put off what's going on along the path from my mind to my heart and from my soul to my fingers. How long can I deny myself the release? How long must I go on pretending like I am only solitaire. I don't know what's been blocking me. Maybe just denial... Maybe it's gods little way of saying find pain so you can find peace. Maybe it's my way of saying I'm going to run the show for a few minutes, until the pain is so unbearable that I just can't survive without you... can't live without you... can't even move without you. All of a sudden I'm this rush of emotions, tragedies, dramas. Will I accept them and do the next indicated thing or will I run amuck with them and live with intensity and destruction. I only want to do the right thing.