walking...in.....FAITH...

she was the first person i saw when i walked into that room.....i knew then that my life was about to change....it's nothing i can explain, just a kind of "faith" and i went along...because it felt right. when i was little i wanted so badly to please her...to do things that would make her proud and love me "more" and she did... i just didn't love me enough to know that SHE loved me.. and when all of those women began to tell me how proud of me she was, how much she loved me...i began to be able to love myself...i know that's weird, but i think that's what started this stirring in my soul...this need to find what i've been looking for.... me. and now, i only want to please You...and do what pleases You and knowing that being of service pleases You, i want to be of maximum service...through LIVING, through KNOWING who i am, or at least finding me... and for the first time in my life...i am not afraid... and it feels strange, and exhilarating, liberating, FREEING... and loving... and though i sought her "approval" or "love" i know now that i had it all along...no matter what i did... no matter how many rooms i walked into and she was there... and i know that she is seeing me now and loving me, more than a mother can love, PLUS infinity... and i am freed by that and my heart is calm and my soul seeking. and He guides me... where i need to be... and now, that familiar feeling of "change" sets upon me again... not knowing what it is, but that it's coming... and i'm not full of fear... because i have that feeling of "faith" and it will all be alright.. and so i go with it... walking with my eyes open, my hands out... and my heart available.