i'm realizing as i write this...

that there is no pain associated with you.... that you are showing me what i deserve... that i feel with you...what i should always feel... that i don't have to be afraid with you... i can't even describe what i'm feeling in any words that could come out coherent... how does that happen...you leave me speechless... and yet, becuase of what my heart and head says... i want to say everything that comes out of my mouth... my head...my heart... but what if it's too much... so i just write it...just to get it out... when the words get trapped in me...it's too much... i don't feel pain today... i don't feel sadness... and i know it's from the work i've done with my god... and my sponsor... and me... that the tears i've released forever... have been cleansing my soul... but, my god... that i don't feel pain today... that i can think of my mother, my kids...my past... and not feel pain settling on my heart... what a relief... and i think you've helped me... you give me permission to release it... not that i need your permission... but, you show me that you love what comes out... and *sigh* you're the only one that gets me... that feels what i feel... hears what i hear... hears what i'm saying... and knows what i know... how is that ... where have you been... forever. and you come along now... and it makes me question me all over again... what it is i think i want... and where i think i want to be... in my life... and maybe... you give me a little freedom... to be me...as a woman... as a person... that i didn't give myself before you... how is it he always puts people in my life when i'm least expecting it... usually in times of need it's a new woman... to remind me of my primary purpose... and this time... it's you... to remind me... of me. it's you... i'm glad it's you...