today...

i woke up this morning, with no fear... no fear of today... of tomorrow... of me... of you... only calmness in my heart... i got on my knees and thanked him for today... another day... another chance... i prayed for guidance in all i do... that i stay on his path today and not veer to my own... i prayed for you... for your higher good... that only goodness come to you... for you... i prayed that i don't get in the way of his plan... like i always do... i got up from my knees...still in my pajamas... and went into the bathroom to wash my face... and i looked in the mirror... and i swear for the first time in soooo long... i saw what you see... i looked into my eyes and into my own soul and breathed... and there i was... free and beautiful and hopeful... a mystery, yet, open wide... my heart full of hope... yet, so broken... but healing... i looked at the shape of my eyes... the little gold flecks surrounded by hazel... and could see the light glimmer off them... full of tears.... full of hope... i closed my eyes, but i could see it ALL! even with them closed.... i could see everything inside me... i could hear everything everyone has ever said... that i never believed... and for the first time, i felt belief... and not in an ego way... but, a kind and loving way... and i felt like a queen...