why is it always so difficult...

or me to write about happiness and love... i never seem to have a problem writing when my heart is ripped out and torn apart... but, give me someone that treats me well and digs me with no expectations and i can't get my head and hands to connect... yet...all day beautiful thoughts and ideas pass my through my head and my heart... yearnings for you...desires...twinklings of beauty.... i know it's in there...and slowly it's showing itself... for the first time it feels safe to write about love... and the calmness it's bringing into my soul... i'm getting right... perhaps that's it... perhaps it's that you soothe me with your gentle words of comfort and security... i'm enjoying being able to express the love as well as the pain though....